Prevent Conflict Escalating

Image Source: Microsoft 365 Stock Photo

In conflict we often default into three common approaches. See if you can recognise your own.

𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲. They say Yes, when they want to say No. The problem with saying yes too often results in people coming to you with more requests. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗬𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗡𝗼 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲. Resentment starts to grow until some tiny event happens pushes your buttons and you react in anger.

People accommodate to try and preserve the relationship. The angry outburst then damages that very relationship they’re trying to preserve, and conflict becomes more difficult to resolve

𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗿𝘆. They’re in a reaction mode, and they’ve gone into flight or fight mode. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺, "𝗜’𝗺 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱" 𝘁𝗼 "𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳?"

The result – attack, strong defense or shutting down. They are now at risk of damaging the relationship and conflict becomes more difficult to resolve.

𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱. They don’t want to engage, they don’t want to think about it anymore. Often this can result in rumination wondering why they’re in conflict in the first place.

Over time, as there are no alternative perspectives to listen to, their 𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 ‘𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘀’, the emotions become stronger and conflict becomes more difficult to resolve.

None of these are ideal.

The best way forward is to manage our emotions. If you feel your emotions start to rise – breathing techniques have been proven to work, helping to reduce cortisol levels, which calms the nervous system.

Stretch your legs, drink some water, and call a break if necessary and resume discussions later.

𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗴𝗼 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗮𝘁ing.

Lynette Edwards authored this article as part of Right Mediator’s professional practice series. You can find out more about Lynette’s mediation and conflict management coaching business at www.resolutionwise.com.au

Originally published on LinkedIn.